You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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