True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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