I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
