Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
