1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
BRING THE BAGELS
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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