he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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