In the future we'll all be gay
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
