Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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