Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
