He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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