party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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