then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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