Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
