Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
