We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
