Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
