no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
