"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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