Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
