We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
