I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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