Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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