he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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