My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
