I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
