Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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