Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
