didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Randomize
