First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
