You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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