I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
