I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
