i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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