break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
