We need to rekindle our bromance
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
