Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
dude i'm inner monologue high
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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