just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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