perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
