I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
