she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
