i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
