i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
