His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Randomize
