My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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