I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
