We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
