Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
