So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
