Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
