i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
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