So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
