this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
