Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
